Of Anti- Propaganda, or Why I Can't Be a Politician In Singapore

I wrote this for College Publications. Naturally, it was rejected. I can't possibly let the fruits of my labour go to waste, and so here it is...




Pre- Elections Article


Mysterious, flamboyantly decorated boxes stuck on canteen tables. Gaudy, sinister- looking mascots roam openly. Haunting neon- colored posters plague the school compound. Shameless, blatant self- advertisements are observed along corridors. In the midst of these oddities- numbers, numbers everywhere. What strange phenomenon is assailing NJC? Who are these people sporting atrocious- looking red ties?

The event- 38th Student Council Elections. The clowns- Council Elects. Even as we doggedly try to go about our lives nonchalantly, it is difficult to ignore the countless hopefuls’ proclamations of utmost dedication, whole- hearted service and unwavering enthusiasm (especially when they’re smeared on large eye- catching posters or prancing about in the form of mascots)

The candidates, each one aspiring to serve, lead and inspire, have started their election campaigns aimed at demonstrating their cooking, designing and stalking skills.

The tissue trend is apparent. Cartons have conveniently sprouted throughout the building. Countless packets are being dispensed, each bearing the candidate’s number and, together with it, a fragment of his dream. On a sweltering day, as students drenched in sweat delight in these comforts which have materialized overnight, how many actually remember their benefactors (or rather, their numbers) who have lavished on them such luxuries?

Another common advertising technique involves ingratiating themselves with our stomachs. Cookies, cakes and sweets are offered to ravenous students in the hopes that even after the tiny morsels are savored and the taste fades, the aspirant’s number will still be fresh in their minds.

An unsuspecting stroll along corridors often leads to us being besieged by flocks of council hopefuls, each one sure of his ability to lead and keen to share that knowledge of self- discovery, together with his candidate number.

As the voting deadline draws near and the intensity of their publicity efforts double, one thing is assured- If they are able to exhibit the same level of conviction and zeal towards the betterment of the school, we can definitely anticipate better days ahead.


Nope, no surprise at all that it got scrapped. Maybe one day I'll be joining a very (in)famous ex- ACS boy- turned- politician in jail...

Of Long Overdue Updates, or Please Don't fulfill Your Death Threats... Yet

Hi all,
I know I haven't been posting for a while but school's been really busy these days. What with copious amounts of homework and extreme prejudice(in the Econs Department) against combi- switchers or combitchers(my cool new lingo for previously dissatisfied people who are now contented after swapping some of their stodgy science subjects (eg. Biology and Chemistry) for dodgy, erm I mean rivetting subjects like Literature (exclusively of the English variety) and Economics. I suppose Tamil might be quite engaging but I haven't actually ventured there yet (unless the disparaging string of Tamil vulgarities I can churn out with confidence counts. Thanks Viknesh!).

Anyway, life's been excellent. Other than the occasional mishaps such as tripping over the school steps at least once a day, knocking your head on the bus and colliding at high speeds into random people, school's fine. Notice I said "school", because I'm finding it increasingly challenging to lead a life(or part of it) totally sequestered from school in its many guises.


Of School And Academics, or Nice Teachers And REALLY NICE Teachers

Well, there are, of course, the really EMPATHETIC and ENCOURAGING economics tutors who predict your failure one day before they receive the results and tell it to your face as if it's already been decided. Mind you, she told me it was already marked when she was blatantly speculating. Being foolish and innocent, I took it for gospel truth.
The next day, she told me I scored 14/15 for it. Some objects are just meant to be thrown, others just aren't made for it. I didn't happen to have any of the former on my person then. As she told us on her first lesson, "You have my trust until you lose it.". I'm throwing it back at her.
Oh, one more thing- I love lit! It was and still is the one subject I look forward to attending. Also, its quite consoling(though somewhat disconcerting) to meet teachers who're crazier than I am. At least I know now that "The Best Is Yet To Be".


Of Student's Council, or The Big Farce

Its official. I've been knocked out of council elections even before it began. Perhaps the councilors didn't feel secure with me being so well- received by the public. Perhaps they surmised that I could accomplish more if I were denied a place in council. Nope.

Perhaps, it was because I effectively committed political suicide by attempting such heinous crimes during Orientation 2, and succeeding. Yes...

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Of Orientation 2, or The Bigger Farce, Progeniture Of The Big Farce

Step 1: Put a group of boring, shallow, uncreative, vacuous, stolid, and indolent imbeciles(stop checking the dictionary you low- lifes! They all mean the same thing) who all happen to have a penchant for false enthusiasm together.
Step 2: Allocate them different committees which do not, I repeat DO NOT, correspond with their abilities, or lack thereof.
Step 3: Call them OGLs.

Note: Me and my lanky limbs were somehow placed in Madd Stance Committee. Yes it was intentional.

With so much unvoiced objections, I was, of course, compelled to eschew Orientation 2 for other perfectly platonic and chaste pleasures. In the words of the not- so- wise Jedi Master Qui Gon Jinn(who died a somwhat undignified death at the hands of Darth Maul 2 episodes ago in a Galaxy Far Far Away), "Feel, don't think. Use your instincts."
I climbed the fence(literally, since the guard wouldn't allow me emancipation from this prison). I ponned. I quit. And I sent 15 others(I'm proud to say they were all from ACS(I).) from my OG home as well.
Of course, my asinine fellow OGLs, being prejudiced and, most importantly, intimidated and threatened by my rising popularity, did their utmost to ensure that the council was given sufficient knowledge of my stunt.

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Well, back to the council elections. I feel that it is imperative that a councilor, being a direct representative of the student body, should possess the quality of empathy. If he/she is unable to find delectation in a particular event, or if he/she realizes that the majority of the school population abhors it, there really isn't any point in propagating the farce.
However, it is the ones who adhere strictly to the flawed plan and who manage to conjure up features of false gratification that get rewarded. NOT the ones who put themselves in the shoes of another and relate to him.

Councilor, I salute you. You have proven yourself worthy of such gratuitous authority by your efforts in complying with and imposing on us such an opprobrious and deplorable farce. We are especially thankful for the lack of rapport and compassion you have shown us and the non- existing feedback given to the appropriate authorities which would have alleviated our suffering. We understand that you are uninterested in representing us and that you are just a power- hungry 15- 17 year old. We will confer to you all the esteem and dominion befitting of a councilor. We hereby agree to be lorded over by you for the next 2 years.

Note: I do not loathe all councilors. There are some whom I genuinely believe can and will serve the student population. Most of them were not shortlisted(which led me to believe there might be a grand conspiracy behind all these conspicuously fallacious concatenation of events). The rest are just insipid hypocrites.

Bring on the flames. I fear not your impotent altercations.


Of Time, or Lack Thereof

I am suffering from a critical deficiency of a naturally occuring element called time. Its origin is a mystery. Its renewability is undefined. There are only 24 hours of it in a day, but 24 more the next.

The lack of it has prevented me from
a) Blogging
b) Sleeping
c) Reading
Realizzzzzzze that blogging is placed above sleeping, which might explain why I'm losing consciousness as I write this.


"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened."

From [The HitchHiker's Guide To The Galaxy]
- CW's favouritestestest book and upcoming movie.


I love blogging(or rather, the whining aspects of it) and I hope I get to blog as much as before. But time constraints have caused me to neglect this establishment, and subsequently cause its stagnation. Anyone who'd like to donate some of his/her time to the underprivileged and pauperized, do not hesitate to approach me. My blood type is A-, if it actually matters.