My name is Richard White, and this is my story...

(Mild Spoilers Alert!)

Damn you, Superman!

Ever since that rubber-wearing red-caper came back to Earth, life hasn't been great at all- Screw it, it's an understatement to even say that life's been just... out-of-this-world wretched.

As you all know, Lois Lane and I have been engaged for 5 years. For the whole of those 5 years, she's refused to marry me. What, could she still be holding a torch for that Kryp- I mean, creep? Well I know she's done Superman before- I mean, she's WROTE about him before, but that's old news, right? Oh for Krypton's sake! We already have a son!

It's not only Lois. Jason, our son, has been undergoing some... changes. Just that day when I was picking him up in school, he literally ripped the door off my new car. Yeah I know it's normal for kids to grow up and all - I used to hope my boy would grow up to be a strong man, just like his Daddy - but this is insane! We're talking doors hanging off their hinges all over the house.

What's my point? What's all these got to do with Superman? Well, I don't know. Honestly, I'm totally clueless. Yes, even after that 2.5 hour movie.

I just wanna tell the world that we don't need a superhero who screws around with our fiances.


- Richard White