Of The Sacred Arts Of Exemption From Physically Demanding Tasks, or How I Maintain My Perfectly Unhealthy And Ruinous Lifestyle

Recycled from a reply(by me) to another blog. Yeah I'm just too lazy to think again.


Instructions to the Initiates

For normal, day to day, PE periods, just use an undated parent's letter. Keep it short so it won't attract much attention. Try to grab it out of the PE coach's grubby hands before he attempts(rather unsuccessfully) to read it carefully. Rinse and repeat for the rest of the year.
Note: This ploy stops working upon admission into college- only a limited number of letters are allowed. This issue is currently being worked on by a vaunted research team(consisting of me). Expect results soon, but as with everything on this site, don't hold your breathe- it might get fatal.

X-country might require a bit of tact. In the event that you are unable to hurt yourself enough to qualify for an official MC, an eloquently scripted parent's letter will suffice, though it'd require better planning than normal PE, since we're dealing with the more intelligent academics teachers here(who'd actually scrutinize every word and fault in the letter). Try to epitomize what you wrote in the letter- if you're supposed to have a flu(my personal favourite), sneeze occasionally, but not too frequently as to attract false concern.

Recently, I found another way to skip such "important" school events- the filming club. If your school does not have one of those, the photography club will do fine, though it'd require more skill to get in. Filming is easy- just point and shoot. And as an added bonus, you get to see the looks of agonized jealousy on your peers AND save it on tape. Basically, just kill to get into the club. Then kill(or, in extreme circumstances, seduce the relevant authorities) to get the job.

Follow these instructions, my young padawan, and you are bound to do well in the sacred arts of absolution from mindless physical exertion.

Of The 101 Aspects Of Junior College Life, or Just When You Thought There Were No More Choices To Make | Part 01

1 month into JC, I realized that there were still many choices to make, after actually racking my brain to choose a JC and subject combination(which I changed at the last minute, from Double Maths, Physics, Literature to the suicidal combination of Triple Science).

"What other choices are there to make?" I hear you ask. Well, we can only blame the coordinates of our little green/blue planet for the 24 hours available per day, leaving us with never enough time to do EVERYTHING.

After attempting the impossible(doing everything) for the past month, I find myself disoriented(more than usual, if its possible), confused(I epitomize confusion, and confusion has reached new heights recently) and constantly with a glazed look(or rather, I began to notice the glazed look that has always been on my face).

I have come to realize, after this past busy busy busy month, that no one can do everything(out of the context of religion, which I really do not want to discuss right now, as it'd only add to the abundant confusion that's been running rampant around me). Seeing as it is impossible(Is it, really? The boundaries of possibility are stretched when you're dealing with an omnipotent being such as I...) to list every single activity you can spend your insignificant 24 hours on, I can only but attempt this in a few seatings. Hence, the "Part 1" specified in this post's title.

Enough of my inconsequential ramblings! Introducing, 2 of the more prominent(and hence time consuming) aspects or JC life...


Aspect Number 1 | Skirt Chasing

Finally, something which is out of the boundaries of this Great Being(me). This is one aspect I'm probably going to drop since my attempts at it has been largely(and disgustingly) unsuccessful. It is distressing(and frustratingly exasperating) to see these "hot", uninteresting people with shallow(negligible) character without even a shred of intelligence get all the attention without even trying. I will probably remain unattached throughout college(sorry to break all the hearts of my numerous admirers, who've, strangely, been invisible lately), although that decision does leave me feeling paranoid towards Valentine's Day. I'm not one to hope for miracles, but it'd probably take one of those(or more) to change the current situation. Some general advice- Look, but don't touch. If you break anything, be prepared to pay for it. Besides, chasing skirts isn't really such a good investment(of both time and money) as compared to, say, the next aspect...


Aspect Number 2 | The Mug

Disclaimer: The author is an active advocate(feel my alliteration powers!) of mugging in its various forms. The views here are not representative of the general public's(or rather, what the general public wants you to think) opinion.

This aspect is an essential part of college life(especially NJ, with its "reputation). It doesn't matter if you do it in pairs, alone, groups, secretly, discreetly or publicly- you are doing it. The returns, as I have said above, are phenomenal- everyone knows world domination requires a respectable education. Besides, mugging is cheap and, other than the massive amount of time spent, is pretty much painless compared to the above aspect(emotionally and physically). The only group of people I can think of who don't mug are the above-mentioned "hot"(and, consequently, unintelligent) individuals who spend their time preening in front of a silver-coated piece of glass. Isn't it obvious by now that I am declaring war on all the attractive, unintelligent beings out there?

And hence begins the genocide...

Maybe I'll feel better if every female sent me a message saying- "I am a shallow girl not worthy of your attention, with a penchant for pretty faces without character or intellect."

Check back for other features of JC life- College isn't all about chasing skirts and mugging, ya know?

Of Career Opportunities In The Muggers' Club, or A Chance To Be In My Personal Entourage

Greetings,

Just a short notice to all who are interested in joining my personal team of dedicated personnel. Presenting, the vacancies(erm, vacancies as in jobs, not in my brain) in the higher echelons of The Muggers' Club...

Vacancy Number 1 | The Shirt-Tucker

The President is tired of teachers complaining about his shirt being untucked. In a bid to improve the image of Muggers' Club(whatever little we have left), this new position has been implemented.

Qualifications required- A pair of hands. Applicants can be of either sex though I'd prefer someone who'd not enjoy doing it too much, since it might cause some unwanted complications. Preferably an androgyneous robot, or just anyone who'll volunteer.


Vacancy Number 2 | The Spectacles-Pusher

Don't you just hate it when your spectacles start sliding down your oily nose and making you look like a fool(a blur, disoriented one, at that)? With both hands used in carrying his massive collection of notes and homework, the President will not always be able to adjust his spectacles, hence the creation of this post.

Qualifications required- A hand, preferably with most fingers(at least 1) attached. Gloves are not compulsory but will be appreciated, especially if the Spectacles-Pusher is not a great fan of personal hygiene.


Vacancy Number 3 | The New-Year Shopper

The President is an important man. He has no time for queues. Your job is to help him in the choosing of his apparels/funky new accessory and to queue for him while he takes a much needed rest, or move on the the next item.

Qualifications required- Arms(not necessarily strong) to carry purchases. Good, or at least some, taste in choosing clothes, accessories etc.



Do not be disheartened if your qualifications do not suit any of these posts. Additional job opportunities will occasionally be added as the need arises, so watch this site for more info or contact the President of Muggers' Society(PMS for short).

Of The Muggers' Club, or My Shot At National(JC) Fame

One stifling Monday afternoon, in the NJC library, a responsible, nondescript man(ie. RuiYuan) sits with his pet monkey which, upon closer inspection, turns out to be yours truly. Avoiding attention from the suspicious librarians and neighbouring muggers, they hatched a plan of world domination...

They were the 2 founding members of The Muggers' Club- THE most prestigious club in NJC right now. What started as a joke turned into the ultimate dream- come- true as the club grew from the measly 2 members to an extensive membership of ~40(as of now, I am unsure of the exact numbers but I should be able to provide it once I receive all the application forms I sent out).

So, who are we?
GP teachers speak in awe of us. Students whisper excitedly by day in corners about the new, cool club in school and pray fervently at night that they'd be invited to join the club.

We are a society of muggers. Of academically inclined(mostly) individuals looking for a safe and friendly atmostphere to study(and failing horribly upon joining the club, since we're mostly just a bunch of loonies). Most of all, we seek the companionship of other muggers to spar our intellectual capabilities with and to seek to improve ourselves through these interactions. Some join for the prestige, of being able to be identified with the most- wanted club in NJC. Others join for the extensive resources of the club(notes and during emergencies, answers). No matter what their agenda are, every member has one true goal- the worship of me. Ok, so that statement just drove away the millions of young hopefuls who were listening intently. Actually, that part is just a minor obstacle(to some) of enjoying the extensive benefits of this club. Members are under no obligations to "worship" me or even listen to me. We're all just here to get our 4As. Which brings me to my next point- the club is not official... YET! I will try for official status once I'm guaranteed to stay in NJC(ie. March/April) Though this means that attendance or participation will not net you any CCA points, the sheer honour of being able to identify yourself with the club should be enough reward, no? Besides, who needs CCA points when you have access to academic resources and help whenever you need it, (thereby guaranteeing you your straight As)? NJCians(Yes, even the Year 2s and IP students), I urge you, come down to the library any day after school(attendance is flexible and non-compulsory) and join us in the quest for academic excellence!

Warning- Unregistered muggers are a menace to society. All mugging should be practiced under strict supervision of the public. For your own safety, and for the safety of others, get yourself registered today.


Executive Committee Of The Muggers' Club Or People To Avoid-

President- NgChengWei- Your friendly webmaster. Object of worship and target of numerous failed assassinations by the rival slackers' clubs(plural because they are just a bunch of slackers without coordination. And there's the communist bloc with their chairmen and the "democratic" bloc with their presidents. Not to mention the unregistered slackers.), of which he is an honourary member(supplier of intelligence and answers). You have 3 choices- approach him for details regarding the club and membership, wait for him to approach you or run like hell when he comes.

Vice President 1- RuiYuan- The other founding member of the club. Very responsible(according to him). The epitome of a true mugger, paling in comparison only to yours truly. Did I mention he plays for the school table tennis team too? Go Ping Pong Boy!

Vice President 2- Deborah- The un-official poster girl for The Muggers' Club. Combining phenomenal athletic abilities(Squash. The sport, not the drink) and supreme intelligence, she breaks the stereotype of sportsmen(erm, sportswomen). The cute exterior is just a bonus(a very nice bonus, I must add). She is what every mugger should strive to become.

Vice President 3- JiaLi- The only member of the Ex-Co not from 05s17. A testimony to the club's willingness to share power(what little we have). She is a mugger of great abilities. And she saved me from eternal damnation(Sharon Cross style) by lending me her answers for biology in the nick of time.

General Secretary- QianXin- For his hard work and dedication towards the club, he shot up the ranks from Secretary to his current position. Membership forms should be submitted to him(or just any other member).

Other job opportunities are available. Check this space for more details.

Of Short Blogs, or How Less Is More

Hi all, and welcome to another not-so-ordinary week of my life. Just a boring little announcement to make, so bear with me. *Yawn*

With the implementation of the 5 day week and a new commandment set by the Residential Slavemistress, I will only be let loose on the online community on Friday nights, thereafter I will be caught and caged again by Sunday night.

What this means is that I will no longer be able to write a full, page- long blog in one seating since I can never seem to find the patience or inspiration needed for that feat(Actually I'm just lazy, but you're not supposed to know). I will instead write multiple short blogs over one weekend, leaving me some time to actually live out the life that I'm going to write about.

In short, good news for all. A wider range of topic and less ramblings from now on(with the exception of this post).

Of Clubs And Societies, or A Pathetic Effort To Update This Blog.

Greetings, my fans! I'm so sorry for the lack of updates but school's been busy(what with mugger's club meetings everyday after school and stuff... more on that later!). As they say, quality beats quantity any day, so here's my feeble effort to bring this blog up to date...

First week of "real" school this week! Its actually quite relaxing, with the new lecture system. You can do as much or as little work as you want and no one will care! School rocks and NJ is quite fun actually, even after orientations!

This week, I joined(and started) so many clubs, with no intention of actually attending most of them! I've got soooooo many things to write about this week's events that I'm at a lost as to where to start. For today's update, I'll just introduce all the clubs I'm in currently(PE this afternoon made me retarded, so bear with me please).


The Supernatural Club-
This club was actually formed last friday after the mass dance party(which rocks, contrary to what some other less-informed being may prattle of). In a suicidal show of stupidity, the whole class, with the exception of some girly boys(*cough* Justin *cough*) and girls, went to explore the supposedly haunted toilet/storeroom in the science block. It was actually a disappointment though- the ghost did not appear, probably due to the crowd. Well, maybe we'll have better luck next time. Later that night, at KAP, the supernatural club was formed with the aim of exploring the paranormal, both in NJC and outside.
Founding members- 10(I think)
Fun Level- High
Possibility of official implementation- 0(Guess we'll just keep it un-official)

The Chess Club-
This club SUCKS! It is seriously under-equipped(I had to borrow pawns from the next table) and so BORING. Worse of all, its venue is a non-air-conditioned classroom! Well, I figured that since Chess is now a sport, its only logical that the players sweat it out like in other sports. And what better way to do so than to stuff a bunch of sweaty, stinky people into a minute room while stinging on electricity?
Fun Level- Zero
Comfort Level- Negative
Possibility of me attending it- Zero

Digital Video Club-
This club is quite fun, especially since one of my OGLs is inside. The club is pretty much self-explanatory- we film stuff. Finally, all my voyeur fantasies can come true. *Cue evil laughter* Even better is the fact that I'm allowed to skip the coming mass run if I'm doing the video coverage for it! Yay! Oh, did i mention they get a cool air-conditioned room with multiple Macs inside?
Fun Level- Medium
Comfort Level- High
Possibility of me attending it- 100%

Astrology Club-
I feel so ashamed to bring this up since I'm actually skipping the club's orientation as I write(or type, or use my telekinetic powers to transmit information to the computer. Guess which one it is). I've got my reasons- They were playing with coloured water and doing some SWEATY activities. Both of which I detest(maybe not the water but most definitely the disgusting body fuids). Besides, my new "going-home-partner"(Hah! You've just been replaced, Shaun!) did not want to stay. While I was there, I spoke with this senior from NJ's 1998 batch who is now a medicine graduate. I was made privvy to his Ultimate Secret Of Disrupting NS(TM)- taking medicine in university. Now, I feel so inspired to take medicine, which I had little interest in before. Based on what I've seen in the less than 1 hour I've attended, its quite an interesting club, though i don't really see myself staying back till 9pm in school just to watch stars.
Fun Level- Medium
Comfort Level- Low(Not sure though, since I did not actually see the room, if there is one at all)
Possibility of me attending it- Low

Softball-
Went for this sport's trials on Wednesday(Or was it Monday? Having amnesia...). I was told I was a good ball-catcher. Apparantly, they did not see the piece of invisible string connecting my hand to the ball. What they did not tell me was the glaring fact that I'm totally helpless at throwing. Softball is also a filthy, muddy, SWEATY game. Obviously, my hygiene- conscious self objects violently to my participation in this activity. Add to that the fact that I'm allergic to balls(maybe I'll whine more about this later if I'm free), and softball is a no-no.
Fun Level- High(Its amazing how the repetitive throwing, catching and whacking of a spherical object can be so entertaining. Primitive pleasures is cheap though, and I'm not about to degrade myself to that level.)
Comfort Level- Very Low(Its a sport, what else can be expected?)
Possibility of me attending it- Nil(They wouldn't want me there if I wanted to anyway)

Mugger's Club-
This club was founded by your's truly, who happens to be its president. Its not actually a "Mugger"'s club per se, as we do go out of the library in our many excursions to the photocopy shop. The true aim of the club is to provide academic guidance for its members and as a center for sharing knowledge resources(ie. notes). We meet everyday after school in the library, attendance is flexible and members are allowed access to the vast selection of notes available to the club.
Its probably obvious by now that the club is actually a front for my secret fan-club, which is estimated to go multinational in a few years' time.
Current number of members- 7(Rough estimate. Since attendance is not coordinated, its hard(even for an omnipotent being as me) to remember everyone)
Comfort Level- High(until the cheapskate librarians turn off the air-conditioning)
Possibility of Official Implementation- Not at the moment.
Possibility of me attending it- Definitely.

Other clubs I'd like to join next week
- Publications(Missed this week's meeting due to amnesia.)
- Drama(Auditions next Thursday. Hopefully I'll be accepted into it!)

Another club I'd like to start is The Dessert Club. This club will specialize in tasting and rating all the 20+ ingredients found in the dessert stall, and researching the ideal combination of toppings.


So, that's all for the night. Expect more updates tomorrow/Sunday regarding new Commandments set by the Residential Slavemistress(ie.Mum), life in NJC, my allergy to balls, my experience in PE, and my miserable attempts on writing a blog.

Edit (Sunday): No more updates this week after all... I hope nobody was holding his/her breath. Check back next week for more!

Introduction, or The Part to Miss

This is my first entry(yeah, I'm good at stating the obvious, get used to it) in a (hopefully) huge project that will likely span a life-time, unless I lose interest in it before my hypothesized death of cardiac arrest at the age of 60. To get us off on a "good" start, I'll specially lengthen the first few of my blogs, just to make it more painful for any desolate creature who has unwisely made the choice of following this blog. Brace yourselves, boys and girls, for you are about to witness the inner workings of a flawed and dangerously warped mind!