Of Melancholy, or Mid- Semester Crisis

The term is ending. I'm not in any mood to type legibly and even if I were to try(which I somehow did), no words can describe the degree of melancholy I'm feeling right now. My life is in a mess. Its probably unnoticeable to all you happy, satisfied people out there who see only a facade of joviality and insouciance in me. Beneath this mask of mirth and gaiety lurks a malcontented and confused soul. This soul is exhausted, feeble, weary. Divested of all his energy and exuberance so freely spent at the embarkation of this term. Nothing is happening as I want it to be(or rather, as I believe I want it to be)...



Subject Combination and Ambition, again...
I've finally decided on dropping physics for literature, but a friend's advice to go completely arts seems apt(though unlikely). Then again, I feel a sense of regret and prodigality at my decision to give up physics too. I can say for sure now that I do not know what I want to do in this life. Except, perhaps to lead an absolutely decadent existence. Even that is not certain. This idiot is doomed to wander through life aimlessly.



Student's Council...
I used to aspire to be one and I think I still do. Though recent events and revelations have caused me to come to the realization that there are other CCAs which are as rewarding(if not more). I am prepared to lavish time on my CCAs, but I'm not sure if I'd not rather spread it out over a couple of them instead of just one. Anyway, results for the interviews are not out yet. I might not even get past that stage with my decidedly flawed personality so apparent during the interview(and normally). Who knows? Perhaps the decision will not even be made by me as I get disqualified by the interview.
If I am denied a place, I'd likely join more CCAs. *Hint* Maybe then I can finally say that I'm in the whole ELDDS.



Friendship, The True...
Having deserted my best pals in my decision to choose NJC, I found myself floundering in the "Very Good Friends" department. Don't get me wrong, though- Casual friends and acquaintances number in the hundreds here. Not one can I call a true soulmate, though. Perhaps I am just asking for too much. Perhaps I have been given too much back in the good ol' AC days. Then again, perhaps I've just been blind and selfish. I miss everyone in 4.10 Samuel. Shaun, Dwayne, Samuel, Nat(yes, even you!), Viknesh, Gavin, Joshua, Jon Tang, Brandon, Ming Hao... Where else can I find company of such boisterous nature and notoriety?

Notice: CW is looking for good friends. He is faithful, interesting, empathetic and shows an occasional degree of wit(and an occasional lack of it). Those who qualify with the vaunted characteristics of wit, insanity and a certain amount of empathy may submit your entries via winks(not recommended), conversation or cerebral impulses. Muggers need not apply. The mask is off. Your kind may graciously die now. Bimbos(and their male counterparts) are considered on a case- by- case basis.



O' Level English Language, Not A Nag...
I'm still pissed. Period. Without Blood. How is it possible that people(no names) of less ability can score better in this most important of examinations? Screw you, Cambridge. It isn't only me. Individuals of much higher calibre than me have been cursed with grades of A2s and B3s. Not to mention the decidedly rigged literature paper in which the number of A1s decreased from 30 to a mere 4. With top students scoring C5s, isn't it obvious that there has been some major descrepency going on in Cambridge? I hate Cambridge and I hope it burns. And my feelings are neither unfounded nor singular. Watch out, Cambridge, we're after your blood.



My Vile, Sadistic Nature...
... is showing. I tried to be nice, I really did. I've been warned several times in previous years by my peers and teachers. Even my closest acquaintances comment on my wretched side. I've been cursed with an ignoble, unrelenting and ungracious tongue with a nasty habit of pointing out and exploiting flaws in others. It was addictive, and I liked doing it. Perhaps its the sense of triumph over those whom you'd just scorned. Perhaps its the warped justice you achieve upon having a pompous ass put down. It doesn't help that I'm surrounded by ineloquent imbeciles helplessly waiting to be tortured. Oops, there it goes again. It is not just a blemish on my character. It is a fatal flaw, and I hope to extirpate it one day.
Not because I want to, but because society doesn't deign to acknowledge its flaws, and I have no desire to become incommunicado.


I'm sorry I have to whine. But I believe in being flagrantly frank in my emotions. Besides, I'm feeling better now cos of it. :)